Election Means No Erection

The problem with elections is that they're just not interesting after the first five minutes. Sure you can giggle at some of the silly names, the fact all women politicians look exactly alike, in their power suits and that hair...where do you get that haircut they all sport and does it have a name and can we maybe vote on abolishing that sometime please? As for the guys, is it a boring suit contest because in all honesty, there are suits out there that look like they were made this century, yet still manage to look smart, modern and professional.

Also the fluffy toupe and ultra white teeth, gentlemen? One word. NO.


The thing about elections is it's just a big struggle for people all over the country to grab some glory while other people - the public - try their best to get rid of the festering entity currently in power because they neglected to turn the world into a better, safer place where we all got rich and bought mansions and expensive shoes and fed the poor, forgetting totally that the next actual government, whoever that will be in a year or so, will be just as hopelessly inept and stupid in their own way and nothing will really be accomplished at all.

I was happy to see so much of the country taken by the Democrats, only because this meant it wasn't taken by the Republicans, but that's it. I happen to think the Democrats couldn't find their collective penis (or vagina!) with a diagram and a flashlight, but I have to admit that they're not George Bush's Republicans and that has to be at least one rung further up the ladder. It has to be or we're doomed. Frankly, at least with the Republican government we have currently you know the evil you're dealing with. You know they're going to try to destroy all the civil rights you hold dear and destroy half the world in the name of "peace", but with the Democrats, they'll just probably sit back and watch other people destroy it for them while roasting marshmallows.

Tuneful Hurricanes

First Crazy Hurricane John threatened the Baja with his wrath, now here comes Crazy Hurricane Paul to do similar. No word yet on when George and Ringo are making an appearance...

When Lazy is Busy

Giant Manatee Jones is busy being lazy. Although, not lazy enough to cease whooping it up over on Live Journal. However, all being well laziness shall abate tomorrow.

Random Celebrity Musings

My fascination with celebrity gossip continues. When I say "fascination" I don't mean to imply that I enjoy it - it's more of a morbid fascination, a fixation with train wrecks. Part of me, the compassionate side that comes out at moments of extreme weakness or bewilderment, feels a little bad for these people of celebrity, whose every movements are catalogued by the paparazzi, whose every change of hair style, or ludicrous designer outfit or new romance is out there for the world to see, but the rest of me - the real, heartless, cynical me - that part of me could really not give three shits about the feelings or privacy of these people because these people chose to do what they do, fully knowing the scrutiny their lives would be subjected to. That part of me is like, "Screw it, you asked for it! You earn millions of dollars and live a privileged life, you can put up with a little annoyance!"

Of course paparazzi are scum also, but whatever.

Talking of celebrities, I'm beyond creeped out by those Simpson sisters and their uber-creepy ex-reverend father. What the hell are they all about? You have one sister who's got stakes in fake tan and teeth whitener, who can't seem to pose without looking like someone with a spine complaint - what's with the sticking the boobage out in people's faces like that anyway? - and another who can't seem to stay away from the plastic surgeon's knife.

The real scary thing is their father, who not only spouts forth on his daughter's ample cleavage, but who, scarily, looks more like Gary Busey every day. There's something wrong in that family. I mean what dude pimps his daughters in provocative poses to the paparazzi? What a creepy old asshat.

Take Me To Your Leader

Mr. Bush's Irritable Bowel Syndrome is playing up again, causing him to get paranoid that Muslims everywhere are about to either revolt and leave the USA or stay and try to blow it up. He's not sure which of these two things are the worse option, after all he has to consider the "'conomy". Keeping the "'conomy" healthy might be worth a few "explodations".

Most of all he is keen to stress that what America wants is PEACE, ok, not war, not chocolate, not Donald Trump...peace. He mentions nothing about what he wants, i.e., a quick lesson in irony.

He tells the Iraqis, "We will not abandon you in your struggle to build a free nation." He didn't bother pointing out that we'd have no problem "dismantling" your country beforehand either and maybe allowing it to flood with non-Iraqi insurgents who will kill Iraqis, Americans and any other nation who doesn't embrace Fanatical Muslim extremists.

He also has a little hissyfit over Iran and their weapons threat, which is a fairly severe threat, considering his idea of what to do about such a looming danger pretty much runs to telling the Iranians to stand down their weapons and play like good children or he'll send the U.N. over there to kick their ass.

Giant Manatee Jones is already popping the corn and chilling up a six pack, waiting for the entertainment to start.

The Terrorists Have Won

I have noticed that the Brits have gotten over the whole threat of being blown up by terrorists pretty fast. Only a month ago, after discovery of a plot by terrorists to board U.S. bound jetliners carrying explosives hidden inside everyday liquids such as beverages or shampoos, everyone rolled their eyes at the inconvenience of the fact they had to get to the airport earlier and check in their cabin luggage which, on average, measures in at approximately the same size as a small condominium.

You see passengers aren't the real problem. Or indeed a concern for most airlines. The fact is money - profit - is what caused these terror measures to be shelved. The subsequent delays were costing the airlines, and ultimately the Government, money. When it comes down to it, airlines would much rather face the small risk of having a few passengers exploded in mid-air (after all, don't they have insurance for that sort of thing?), than lose a lot of money paying screeners to work longer hours and security people to do similar and for possibly air delays and better screening equipment.

Much as I sigh every time a new security measure is announced, I'd really much rather I can get to my destination late with all body parts still attached than not at all.

iCould But iWon't

When I bought my iPod back in 2001, I would just sit and look at its clean, crisp, white body, its sleek, shining, silver back, its scroll wheel and four surrounding buttons and I'd think, "wow, how can all that music fit on that one tiny little rectangle!" It still astounds me, even though nowadays you can't buy a regular iPod with that small a hard drive.

I still use that same machine and have no plans in upgrading. But Apple, they upgrade iPods all the time. Everytime you sneeze, voila! Another model iPod. The hard drives keep getting bigger, the hardware keeps getting smaller and our appetite for more, more, more just keeps expanding. Pretty soon they'll have iPods the size of a postage stamp, which is making me wonder - what is the point? Why not just go the whole hog and make them the size of a microchip and implant them under our skin then we can scan our wrists to charge them and synch them?

The original iPod - mine - I thought it was MINUSCULE! I thought it was the teensiest, sleekest piece of electronic gadgetry on the market. And it was. But now, next to the iPods of today, it looks like a great, big, hulking dinosaur! And you know what? I like it! It looks a zillion times better than the later generations. It has that iMac plastic-cover-retro-look that the later one's lack. It has scroll-wheel buttons you can actually press instead of touch. So you can keep your 3 million GB video, movie, computer game, makes your dinner, walks the dog iPods, your tiny little shuffles and your pink minis and I'll stick with my dinosaur. Thank you.